Happy Birthday Halmoni!

Today is grandma's birthday! We actually started celebrating yesterday by going to the local Indian casino, Halmoni's favorite place. Can you say 'Big Money!'? Loathe that I am to be dragged into these places - these gambling dens, these houses of inequity and sin, these places of excess noise, lights, and malodors - surprisingly, I'm finding them less repulsive each year and thereby confirming my worst nightmare: maternal metamorphosis: you know...T-I-M...Turning Into Mother!!!

Not only am I 1) proudly stating the bargain basement prices of retail finds, 2) loving whole chunks of ginger in my food, and 3) mumbling/shouting derisives in korean when I'm angry, but now I have permanently crossed the larval line from Carefree Career Girl (where I devoured all the life I needed) and pupated into the cocoon of Angry, Asian Housefrau (where I happily lay gamboling with the slots instead of dancing all night at the bars and clubs as was featured in said larva life). I await the day that I save the styrofoam trays from meat packages and fast food meals. Pathetic some may say, but true.

Truthfully, I may seethe with sarcasm at times, and one may dectect a note of regret or loss, but in all honesty, I rather enjoy the change and don't really regret that I currently reside in the "Excuse Me Ma'am" instead of the "Can I help you, Young Miss?" category. Sure you get more things for free in the latter class, but hell, now I get sweet respectability and sincere intentions that I just didn't get before.

It was weird when I entered motherhood and realized that that there was this difference. It's like having children gave you an all-day pass to gentle parenting, nurturing, and healthier living in general: scheduled playtime, quiet time, snack time, and naps; constructive words; redirecting misbehavior toward acceptable activities; less sugar and more veggies; hell, I stopped cursing (outloud), drinking, smoking, and speeding on the freeway - that alone must have added cat years to my life if not others. I've been forced to consider my values (didn't know I had them...) and decide what is acceptable, unacceptable, and exemplary behavior.

I must admit that all the nightlife and fast living was nice for what it was and at the very least, for giving me memories of being wild and young with which I can regale my children so they can think of me as more than just a cookie-baking, pie-making, over-doting soccer mom/grandma. Shoot, when I'm 71, I might be in the casinos rockin' the martinis and cigars alongside my mother, god bless her soul.

Happy Birthday Halmoni! We all hope you had a great day filled with love from your youngest child's family, and I hope you know that I love you. I'm like you in more ways than I ever knew, and I'm so glad I'm finally realizing it. Thanks for being my mother, thanks for being like a mother to Pooks, and for being the best grandma to my sons. May we celebrate more years together. Your daughter, Ji-yun.