coming up for air

i don't know about you, but this is the first free time i've had since thanksgiving. seriously, being a mother of two during the holidays is a bitch.

well, i hope you all had a great holiday season and are ready for the new year partying that releases some of that holiday stress, because I KNOW I AM!

okay, i was going to bitch about my brother in a post entitled OH BROTHER, WHERE ART THOU? because he emailed me without so much as a 'howdy-doo' but decided against it given that he's my brother and nothing is going to changed his curmudgeony sour bond to me -- that, and the fact that he sent BedHeadSid (BHS) a totally awesome radio-controlled hovercraft vehicle. i'm such a present whore.

i guess i also got to thinking about the spirit of christmas, you know (incredible, i know), and about the gist of where my angry post would have gone: about how i wished my family was closer, how i missed having a (big) family and wished my relations with Pooker's family was better -- that is, existed. which got me thinking about why i bristled at having the boys visit their father's family without me.

i know this is a tough time for them right now what with Aunt P's death casting a pall over the holidays. so why was i so reactive and resentful for sending my boys over to cheer them up? after careful consideration, i thought it was about the awful way Meji-MIL had/has treated me and how i thought keeping the boys away from here would teach her a lesson about not wanting to be called 'grandma.' but i came to realize that it was my own wishful need to be accepted into their family, not be rejected by or alienated from my husband's family -- as i was from my own family -- that made me bitterly refuse to send them over despite my dear sweet husband's pleas.

this was no way to spend christmas. and it was no way to show love to my one and only. so grudingly, i gave in to letting Pooks take them over (but not without a few punctuated 'fucks' and 'cunts' describing my displeasure) and i feel just a bit taller than a flat bush snake. just a bit.

i don't have to like my husband's s family, just as they don't have to like me, but i can say that they do seem to love my sons, and as long as they do seem to love the boys, i can't ever let my issues with them or their issues with me come between that family tie.

let this be my gift to them.

as for the flying slesickis, our gift this year is that we are together and happy to do so. the saturday before xmas, we spent with our dear family friends the red sultans, where we enjoyed a sumptuous banquet of holiday fare and laughter and commaraderie rare and true. thank you for being in our family and letting us into yours.

on xmas eve, although we didn't get to making christmas cookies for santa or the handprints and footprints of the boys like i had planned, we did rip into the gifts like we always do. that night and on christmas day, we called loved ones, played some games and enjoyed some good food (champagne, wine, cheese, chocolates, candies, chioppino on xmas day) and good fun with halmoni.

Pooks was happy to have the extra day off. he loves his new challenging job, but he's been working so hard, non-stop it seems. i hope he gets some rest soon.

BHS was in childhood ectasy anticipating the opening of presents and getting all hopped up on the sugary holiday goodies. this year, he was once again able to help decorate cookies for our xmas cookie gift mailers, and of course, he gets to sample each batch that goes through our kitchen. it's one holiday tradition he's grown up with, and that we all look forward to. he's getting bigger by the day, but he's still just a sweet little boy who loves to nibble away at the sweets and peek at the gifts. he's such a challenge to keep entertained, and i keep forgetting what helper he can be. i must remember to employ his overflowing energy more often if not more strategically. he's really enjoying his new waldorf school too. i can't describe how much better it is to have a more experienced teacher as well as a more intuitive school program. out of the blue, BHS told me he wished i'd found this school long ago. that says it all, doesn't it?

StinkyHeadMonkeyToes (SHMT) is progressing nicely, growing up all too soon. he loves to sit your lap and build legos or blocks, read or play. he likes to grab at my braid tail and sniff the end of it like a fine bouquet of flowers after which he usually swishes it against his nose, tickling himself into a giggly ectasy. I love him so. he's also a dancer. amazingly, he'll actually bounce to the beat of anything from jazz to pop music. he's evolved his routine from up and down bouncing to left and right fist waving and furious booty shaking. he does this head bobbing that's way too coolio. where'd he get that from?

SHMT loves his brother and follows him every where, even when BHS isn't very nice to him. it's so patheticly puppyish. we've video taped these tag-alongs so i hope BHS can one appreciate how much his little brother looks up to him and adores him as well as SHMT can appreciate how loving and patient BHS has been to his little brother. I plan to show the videos when their at each other's throats as teens or adults, just to remind them how sweet they were and how strong their bond is.

I hope everyone had a merry christmas, and here's to a fabulous new year. peace be with you all.