2008 Happy New Year

Incredibly another year has passed, I feel without so much as a wink and a yawn. maybe it's having children and having to deal with life's daily events, but again I'll say, it's been a blurr of memories and milestones -- some profound, others remarkably mundane but nevertheless unexpected.

Our fence is up, and I can proudly say "there ain't a skunk or cat scat in sight" because of it. The boys have the run of the place, and I feel safe letting them out on their own. Pooks, BedHeadSid (BHS), StinkyHeadMonkeyToes (SHMT), and I can do so many things outside now. It's like having twice the space now. Even my mom can take her walks at dawn or dusk without fear of mugging.

We're in the landscaping phase now. We're preparing the soil and hoping for good weather soon so that we can do spring planting. I've scoped out the flowers and foliage and collected the garden art. The reed screen fencing has been attached for the most part and soon the decorative black beach-tumbled stone will be scattered into the bamboo border. It's all coming along. Still, I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL IT'S ALL DONE!!!

As for Pooks, he's thoroughly enjoying his role as DBA. I knew the minute I did my first programming job that the IT field was Pooks' millieu. Once he locked into data administration, however, he discovered himself in his element, I think, and really began to bloom. His background in logic and math had nurtured his naturally analytic mind. I've always pictured him as a young child putting things into boxes, then organizing them by color, size, texture, etc. -- putting things in order, "as they should be" I imagine him saying in a boyish treble voice.

BHS is beginning this year on much better ground. He is sweet as ever and smart as hell. BHS can sing unbelievably well for his age, and I find comfort in him as a helper and overall good sport, that is when his brother doesn't push him over the edge.

His rumbles at school have stopped. Sidney and his male classmates seem to have come back from winter vacation with more patience and better communication skills. of course, flipping a bully onto his back prior to vacation couldn't have hurt BHS image and may have elevated his place in class, just a smidgeon.

BHS started Hung Gar, a chinese martial art and precursor to Okinawan-style Karate. His Sefoo (that's what the master is called) has over 30 years of experience and has been featured in a magazine. His Sefoo's teacher apparently learned alongside Bruce Lee. At the very least, BHS is very excited about his lessons and totally digs the swords and sundry weapons available at the studio. He's under strict orders to not reveal his lessons to his schoolmates, but knowing his abilities may just give him that edge he needs. what a difference a week makes...

As for SHMT, two words: TERRIBLE TWOS. Okay, more words come to mind: Tyrant, Unreasonable, Abusive, Demanding, Bully, Wicked, Sadist, Plotting, Insane, Screaming Harpy. And yet paradoxically enough, on the positive side: Coherent, Considerate, Compassionate, Adorable, and most disturbingly, Cogent. Who is this kid? I mean, he is a kid right?

As for me, I finally had that "talk" I've wanted with Mejii-MIL. I addressed my issues about her non-use of "grandma" (or any version thereof to indicate relationship) and called her out on the fact that other japanese families do not do that. We couldn't come to an accord about it, but at least I expressed my offense over it and confronted her about it and how it may be connected to the dysfunction in her family. I don't think she wanted to hear that, but I think she needed to. She has two children left that could benefit from her acknowledging her inability to own up to her role in how her family turned out.

I wouldn't have said anything if she didn't bring it to me, into my house, my family, to my husband, my sons, my sons' father. I take great offense when she starts to turn my own son against his father by saying that Pooks is fat, that "everyone in BHS's family is fat," his father, his grandfather, his aunt. She tried to excuse herself by saying that she never called me fat, but I told her she was wrong in the first place for criticizing his father and setting up BHS to think there was something wrong with his father.

Believe me, Pooks is far from fat. He could maybe lose some 10-20 pounds, but to constantly call him fat is just so grating and weird. She honestly thought she was doing him a favor by calling him fat because she was worried about his health. I can understand that, but she could have easily expressed her concern by asking "Are you taking care of your father? Are you riding your bicycle with him and encouraging him to exercise for his health and for his family? Have you told your father how much he means to you?" When I pointed this out to Mejii-MIL, as well as other points of offense over Xmas bullshit, I think she truly felt sorry that she had offended me and hopefully that she could have handled things in a more constructive way.

She had the maternal pride though to tell me not to criticize the way she treats her son, that as his mother she has every right to do what she thinks is right. For this, I believe she disregarded any wrongdoing on her part, and sadly, this is where I feel she will continue to treat her family as she does. As of today, she and Pooks haven't talked. I wonder if that's due to her being mad at me for or embarassed by my pointing out her offensive actions. Or maybe she's taking it out on Pooks. Or maybe she's just busy being herself, dealing with her life, and living her life. Whatever it is, it is my wish that she comes to her senses, and for that matter, that her children and husband grow up, stand up to their status as adults deserving of respect.

I know I have. I guess, I've finally had my confrontation with the bully of my family. Uncle R (the other brother that I was speaking to, barely). Like Mejii-MIL, he would criticize his family members until there was nothing but sorrow. Like with most bullies, it was a product of his upbringing you realize, but as you grow up, there comes a time when you have to stand up for yourself. For me, having Uncle R call me an idiot and stupid in front of my sons was the last straw. I needed to tell him how much he had hurt me and continued to do so for much of my adult life, but that today, that was going to stop. I gave him an earful back and called him out for being a dick to me in front of my sons. I threw him out of my house and with him, any doubt about who I am and where he stood in my life. If he could not respect me, he did not belong in my life no matter what his intentions were.


Life is short, and no matter how much a family member loves you, if they can't love you enough to respect you as a grown adult, that person will continue to treat you badly under the false premise of love. And that, is bullshit!

This is my fucking year. I am forty and I'm loving every moment of it!