Burying the Past

The past few months have been turbulent for our small circle of family and friends. I've had to say good-bye to more people than I wanted in my whole life time. Growing older sucks sometimes!

Well, today we witnessed the burial of the Angel Michael. There's so much sadness in all of us that loved him. My heart feels heavy, my body is all numb, and I can't help but sigh with every effort to breathe. I never knew how much I loved him until now.

The Angel Michael

I can remember catching a glimpse of you from across the room as you entered the animal house. your black cropped hair and black pea coat -- your brown face with almond eyes, you couldn't have stood out more from the others -- in dress, in skin color, in temperment.

while the others worked out their angst, you brought good cheer and a lust for life to those around you, whether they liked it or not. Nothing could bring you down, it seemed, so you were our Pollyanna, our Peter Pan with rose-colored glasses.

I remember the careless nights out and the free ba-ha-la-na days exploring on a whim.

I remember the night we won the dance contest. I remember so much about you. There's so much about you we'll never forget and never stop loving.

et tu, brutus?

good riddance auntie lolo. sayonara original slesickis. go fuck yourself uncle r (with whom i was talking).

i've closed the door on many people in our life right now, and at heart, i'm saddened by closures, but i know it's the right thing to do.

i can't believe how long i've put up with people who supposedly love me, our family. all the snide remarks that you ignore because 1) they are going through their own bullshit and it's really not the time to nit-pick their hurtful jabs; because 2) they're just being themselves (you've always laughed at their unique sarcasm afterall); because 3) i guess you get used to the negativity in light of the positive things they do.

but where do you draw the line?

when people don't respect you, don't know how to respect your children, and i suppose by doing so, to respect themselves, then closure is necessary. you can explain away the incidents, the circumstances, and reasons why they do what they do, but when -- after all is said and done and you've finally had enough kind, good-hearted, upstanding people in your life to show you how people are supposed to act when they truly love you -- then you can no longer stand the conceit of people and their insensitivity and shallowness -- then it's time.

for me, the time has come at last.

auntie lo-lo: the world does not revolve around you and your new-found sense of self-absorbed superiority. get a real life beyond handbags and stomache stapling, you shallow bitch!

original slesickis: you all could have done so much to make us a real family. instead you chose to disregard us. how sad for your son, his boys and me, but mostly i'm so sad for you. while i know my intimate family knows what it is to be a family, you all will only be able to imagine the love of family made up of grandmas, grandpas, uncles, aunts, and grandchildren.

uncle r (with whom i was talking): wait until you have children...that is, if you even make it that far.

you all have taught me a much needed lesson. i hope i have shed some light in yours.